I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home

This is a picture Moo drew of me last week and it was spot on.

I am thankful for my plate. It is a good plate -

 it's just been a little fuller lately.

The Beloved travels quite a bit and was gone last week.

I've returned to school to help this mind of mine progress.

Our house is under contract to sell (which is a blessing) so house hunting and packing has ensued.

Um - I'm large and in charge and scheduled to have a baby within the month.

Plus, ya know - I've got a litter of offspring running amuck.

So, party on :) and embrace the craziness. 

Below are a few precious quiet moments amidst the storm:

There was a duck in our front yard. 

I appreciated this feathered beauty so.

We sat and watched it enjoy the sunshine for a little while.

Little C and Moo duck observing

The Baby's older brothers dressed her in Ruckus pj's for the day.

They were proud.

Coloring, drawing, and creating.

They'll do this quietly for hours. 

Always more bed partners when The Beloved is gone but I'm a sucker when it comes to cuddling with my babies.

The Baby in dreamland.

But, this Mama and her children are so glad when Daddy comes home!

Free to Change

Have you ever heard of a pivot point? It is a moment that occurs in your life that influences you to make a mighty change.
I had one of those moments when I was a very young, recently divorced, single mother. I was sitting in the church parking lot, after a night of partying, waiting for my best friend's mom to exit the building with my two year old Little C. He had been in her care overnight, which was an often weekend occurrence, and then had attended church with her the following morning. 
I remember watching my sweet, chubby cheeked toddler walk out the church doors, his hand in hers, being led to my car by this valiant caregiver. I was struck by the tremendous service and example she was providing my young son, but then another thought intruded upon my mind, "Why is this woman holding your son's hand as he walks out of church and not you?" A flood of emotion stormed my heart as I realized that if I continued on this path of choosing to worship "fun" instead of my Heavenly Father it would impact Little C's life so very negatively.  A wave of extreme grief and guilt flew over me - and then, in entered my pivot point. 
I had to make a choice.
At the end of my life I didn't want to utter any words similar to the ones found in 2 Nephi 9: 46:"... and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery." That consequence made me sick, for myself and my child. I did not want to invite Satan's influence in over my posterity due to my lackadaisical example of obedience.
President David O. McKay counseled:"The greatest battle of life is fought within the silent chambers of your own soul."
There was a quiet war waging in my heart for weeks afterward and I was afraid. I knew something great would occur if I allowed it, but change is hard work to embrace.
Paul said, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bare it."
So, I chose to change and escape.  I followed the counsel found in 2 Nephi 10:23, "Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves - to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life." 
I was free to choose. I was free to change. I was free to stop alienating myself from God and what He desired of me.
I was free to take advantage of the Atonement and bask in the glorious consequences that followed. 2 Nephi 9: 21 says, "And He cometh into the world that he may save all men (consequence) if they will hearken unto his voice (your choice); for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children..."
Choices can be hard and only we can determine which path we're going to take but I promise the Lord's route is much smoother and far more rewarding. 
Change is possible. The choice I made almost 11 years ago bares testimony of that. I plead with you as Nephi's younger brother Jacob does, if any change needs to occur in your life, please choose to "turn away from your sin; shake off the chains of him that would bind you fast; come unto that God who is the rock of your salvation." 
This is the kind of change that welcomes in true happiness. 
I know it because I've lived it.

Past Feeling

Have you ever found yourself in the state of being past feeling? Sounds sad doesn't it?  Past, in the dictionary, is defined as - gone by in time and no longer existing. "Gone by in time" due to what I wonder? And  can you imagine subsisting in this state for such an extended period of time that certain emotional reactions cease to exist? 

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel are at it again and Nephi says in verse 45: Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words..."

What did Laman and Lemuel invite into their lives that allowed for them to be past feeling? I believe one invitation was opening the door to negative thoughts. In 1 Nephi 16: 37 "Laman said unto Lemuel and also unto the sons of Ishmael: Behold, let us slay our father, and also our brother Nephi, who has taken it upon him to be our ruler and our teacher, who are his elder brethren." What the world? Where did that come from? Just a short 3 verses earlier Laman and the other murmurers had "humbled themselves before the Lord, and did give thanks unto Him." True, Ishmael died shortly after this verse which must have been a tremendous trial but to suddenly encourage others to murder your own father and brother? Don't you feel like some pretty dark thoughts must have been harboring in that mind of his, dying to burst out? 

Are we storing any thoughts that encourage us to be past feeling?

And what is it we don't want to feel; guilt, truth, hurt, or the desire to change?

When I was growing up I attended two different Especially For Youth (EFY) programs. The first summer at this event I remember the flood of emotional joy I felt while watching a slide show of Christ accompanied by the most exquisite music. I walked away feeling uplifted and knowing I was a beloved daughter of God. The next time I attended EFY my life choices had taken a very different direction and the Holy Ghost had ceased to be my companion. I was curious to see how I would feel at the slide show I had loved so much the previous summer. When the time came for my beautiful Savior's face and life to be displayed slide after slide my face fell, I felt nothing; nothing but emptiness and a desire to put the blame on the gospel instead of myself. I had put myself in the condition of being past feeling. 

I wish I could say I went home and fixed things immediately but sadly, it took another six additional years for me to desire to feel again. In 1 Nephi 17: 7 The Lord says to Nephi, "Arise, and get thee into the mountain..." He was immediately obedient and when he arrived at the mount he didn't wait for the Lord to speak but instead Nephi, "... cried unto the Lord" for instruction. He acted. In order for me to no longer be past feeling I had to actively be obedient to the Lord's commandments and I couldn't passively sit by waiting for some great vision of direction. I cried unto Him. Over and over again until my heart began to soften and the spirit said, welcome back.

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel couldn't be convinced of the wrongness of their ways because of the hardness of their hearts and their condition of past feeling. The Lord finally said unto Nephi, "stretch forth thine hand again unto thy brethren and they shall not wither before thee, but I will shock them, saith the Lord, and this will I do, that they many know that I am the Lord their God." It was like the Lord had to take a defibrillator to their chests and bring them back from the dead, awakening them from their awful state so they could remember Him and feel of His purpose.  

It is my testimony that there is hope beyond the condition of past feeling. There is a way for us to feel of His presence again. Our Savior died not only for my once "past feeling" heart but for everyone's. 1 Nephi 19: 9 reads, "And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him , and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men. "

Post General Conference Highlight

After a wonderful weekend filled with uplifting, spiritual messages shared in General Conference the boys spoiled the ladies in this household with foot rubs. Moo did more of a leery inspection on my feet... but it's a start.

P.S. Ruckus - you once again are absent from this activity.

P.P.S. In 20 years a future prospective spouse may be really impressed by your ability to serve and cater to her poor feet - you better step up your game kiddo! 

Moo looking unsure while  inspecting my feet. :(

Lou being a goof ball while  rubbing the Baby's feet

Little C even does it with a smile. :) I've trained him well.

I have such good boys! I love them! Even the Absent Ruckus.

Behind the Scenes

A few conversations I don't want to forget:

Little C went to his first school dance with a couple of buddies. After we dropped him off one of my kids asked, "do you think Little C will dance with any girls?"

Ruckus responded, "Yes!" then in a sweet voice, "because he is so handsome."

When the dance was over and Little C returned home we started having a conversation about dating.

Lou and Ruckus were asked if they were excited to date? Their responses represent their personalities perfectly. 

Ruckus said, "Yes!" and then started making a list of the girls he'd ask out when he turned 16. 

Lou responded, "I'll be excited to date when I'm the appropriate age."

Another story depicting Lou's valiant personality happened only a few days later. Little C had, had this turd of a kid kind of bullying him at school. It's since been resolved but at the time I was feeling my inner mother bear come out and I said to Little C, "Definitely pray to Heavenly Father about his issue but maybe you just need to punch him in the face?" Lou, who had been listening quietly in the background replied,

"Actually, when somebody punches you in one cheek Jesus said to turn your head so they can punch the other."

Man, the little peacemaker. I was humbled. Not that I want Little C to endure abuse and he did finally have to push the bully on the ground to get him to knock it off, but I love the tenderness and obedience that occupies Lou's heart.

Here are a few unrelated photos to share what goes on around this house when we're just home, hanging out.

The Baby with a box on her head.

Lou taking a turn.

Moo, Lou, and Ruckus made necklaces out of cereal and pretzels. 

Ahh, they love each other.

Compassion Experience

I recently took my kids to an event called the Compassion Experience. It was an audio tour narrated by various children growing up in 3rd world countries detailing the impoverished lives they were brought up in. As we listened, we traveled through various trailers, set up to replicate the environments being described in the audio tour.

Most of the children began working to help support their families around the age of 7. My kiddos hearts were definitely touched. What stood out to them the most though was the alcohol addiction of some of the parents. One child would wake up in the middle of the night to find his mother was gone and he'd go and track her down at a local bar and bring her back home. 

This experience spoke to all of our hearts and we were filled with compassion but it also reminded us of the safety the Word of Wisdom provides- plus I loved seeing how dang cute my kids all looked in those over sized headphones.

Daddy-Son Date

The Beloved and Ruckus bonded at the BSU season opener together.

Ruckus thinks BSU games are good but even better if they involve Nachos. 

Am I Laman and Lemuel?

Who's your Laman and Lemuel? You know, the friend, relative, or coworker who makes you want to rip your face off because every small affliction, inconvenience, difference of opinion is a completely unsolvable tragedy and any discomfort they feel is probably not just going to end their lives but also your favorite animal's, the anteater, at the zoo. And you really love that anteater. 
Or are you the Laman and the Lemuel? Am I? I confess, I've been the "woe is me gal" before. Not a happy place.
I love this quote by Elder Holland, "I have often thought that Nephi's being bound with cords and beaten by rods must have been more tolerable to him than listening to Laman and Lemuel's constant murmuring. Surely, he must have said at least once, 'Hit me one more time. I can still hear you.' Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder Holland's maxims for living - no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won't make it worse."
Why do you think Laman and Lemuel murmured? Why were the six sons of Lehi, all raised by the same parents, so varying in attitude? Maybe it was a premortal disposition? 
A possible three explanations stood out to me this week while I was studying my scriptures, the first being the condition of the heart. I have heard it said that an open mind can only get you so far in the things of God, what is required is an open heart. In 1 Nephi 2:16-19 the word heart is mentioned three times. Nephi's heart is described as being "softened" and in verse 19 the Lords says to him, "Blessed art thou, Nephi, because of they faith, for thou has sought me diligently, with lowliness of heart." Nephi had cried unto the Lord in prayer desiring to know if the words his father, Lehi, had spoken were true. His heart was then softened when confirmed by the Lord that they were. Nephi raced off to testify of his enlightening experience to his three older brothers. Sam immediately believed him but Laman and Lemuel did not because of the "hardness of their hearts". The condition of Laman and Lemuel's hearts disallowed them from recognizing truth; pushing out and rejecting all manifestations of the Holy Spirit. In turn, their hearts responded gleefully to worldly comforts  which resulted in regular complaining when those comforts and desires weren't met.
Second, the list making. I've caught myself in this trap before. Usually my unfortunate murmuring, mental list looks somethings like this:
"This house is trashed and I just cleaned it. Nobody's noticed to take out the garbage, cupboards are left wide open, I've tripped over The Beloved's 12 different pairs of shoes 57 times, do they have to get a new cup out every time they get a drink, why has everyone forgotten what a clothes hamper is - even though I remind them everyday" and so on and so forth. You can imagine coming into contact with this Mama, after undergoing my negative list making session, it can make people run in fear and lends an eager mouthful of my complaining to anyone willing to listen.
Laman and Lemuel make a list in 1 Nephi 2: 11. They were fed up with their father and felt justified in murmuring for the following reason, "he was a visionary man, had led them out of the land of Jerusalem, to leave the land of their inheritance, and their good things, to perish in the wilderness. And this they said he had done because of the foolish imaginations of his heart."  Negative list making leads to useless anger, distractions from what the Lord desires to teach you, and zero productivity  in improving one's situation. You are left stuck, complaining, and making other people worry about their favorite zoo animal. 
Third, is value. Laman and Lemuel valued very different things than Nephi. The two eldest brothers valued their gold, silver, and all of their precious things. We know they were a very wealthy family for when Laban saw their property he thought, "it was exceedingly great, he did lust after it...." (1 Nephi 3: 25).  Laman and Lemuel valued the things of the world and the thought of giving up their riches and comforts was almost more than they could bear. How could they resist offering a small complaint here and there when what they valued was being thrown out the door?  Even after seeing an angel and being witness to numerous things of the spirit, they still chose the world and therefore adopted its attributes - greed, laziness, pleasing man, contention, selfishness, back biting, etc.  
Nephi found the greatest value in pleasing the Lord. Doing what was right in His eyes. His determination in doing so is apparent in 1 Nephi 3:7, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." The attributes of grandness in Nephi are over flowing from what he values most. He has faith, hope, patience, love, good works, etc. He doesn't murmur because he can't begin to want to. What he values won't allow it.  
So, what do I value? What is the condition of my heart and what lists am I making in my head? This is my ongoing self evaluation for the week or more honestly, my life.
I hope to one day be known as someone who was as faithful and diligent as Nephi. I bet he would have been a very pleasant friend. I truly value the gospel and following Christ. It's obvious the next attribute I need to develop is patience and long suffering so I'll stop desiring to rip my face off when I'm surrounded by my own Laman and Lemuel's. But I don't want to complain about that.... :)

Little C - 9th Day of School!

YEAH! 9TH DAY OF SCHOOL IN 7TH GRADE! :)

Back to School = Anxiety Attack

One day I may have a picture of my child holding up a sign saying:

This is not my kid, though I think he'd fit in here. :)

like all the other cool moms  -but probably not. 

I'll admit it, I'm just happy when my kids make it out the door with fresh smelling breath, a hopefully full belly, tied shoes and combed hair.

Here's our attempt at pictures -

YEAH! 2ND DAY OF SCHOOL - IN OUR FRIEND'S VAN WHO WE CARPOOL WITH - TODDLER, NOT OURS. 

Lou in the backseat and Ruckus in the front

YEAH! 3RD DAY OF SCHOOL! 

THAT'S STILL PRETTY SPECIAL! :)

Little C's will read something like -

YEAH - 57TH DAY OF SCHOOL! 

MY MOM IS NOT A MORNING PERSON  AND I'M REALLY GREAT AT GETTING READY IN THE MORNINGS WITHOUT HER ASSISTANCE SO SHE USUALLY JUST HUGS ME GOODBYE, MAKING SURE HER HEAD IS TURNED AWAY FROM MY FACE SO I DON'T SMELL HER AWESOME MORNING BREATH - WHICH IS VERY THOUGHTFUL BUT DOESN'T MAKE HER ON THE BALL WHEN IT COMES TO  TAKING MY PHOTO BEFORE THE SCHOOL DAY BEGINS. 

THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHE LOVES ME ANY LESS. :)

Sorry Kid. 

I really am going to take it tomorrow. You'll see. 

Ah, school. Love/hate relationship. I'm sure I say that every year.  I began homeschooling Little C at the end of his 6th grade year but he really missed going to school. This year we compromised and he is doing dual enrollment. He is at the junior high in the mornings until lunch and then he's home embarking on a Thomas Jefferson Education Module with his mama. I have high hopes. :)

Lou and Ruckus LOVE school as well. If they didn't I'd already have them sitting right next to Little C and I,  accompanying us on our new quest. They'll be here sooner than later.  My younger children have been blessed with great, outstanding teachers every year so I haven't felt the push as strong. 

When I walked into the junior high registration with Little C I did my best to put a smile on my face but when the first posters I saw were spouting out themes like - It's a Gender Revolution - I about barfed and burst out in tears at the same time. I support signs talking about love, kindness, diversity,  anti-bullying, etc - but in a world that is so confused about gender - this is a conversation for the parents to be included in. I realize their intent was probably innocent though I disagree with their sentiment. I know there are parents out there who don't talk to their kids about anything - I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that I don't want my young son indoctrinated.

I could go on and on about how the school was so proud to announce that breakfast and lunch are now "free" for every student and how Little C gave me the "look" so I'd keep my mouth shut on that one. Again, I know some people really need free meals. I get that. I want them to receive those meals. I want those children to be Michelle Obama well fed, even if it tastes like crap - I desire for no child to be hungry - but, my child doesn't need a free lunch. 

And so many more things I could name (like the reading class where kids read the whole hour because they're illiterate and they're failing the common core test because of it - from the school counselor's own mouth) but what's the point because I'm not proactive in helping getting those issues resolved yet.

While I watched Little C walk away from the car headed for this new junior world my pleading thought to the other kids was -

Just let him be good. It's okay.  Don't try to strip that part of him away. -

Little C is one in a million. I feel blessed to be his mother. I feel blessed and honored to be the mother of all 5 of my children and this new one I have yet to meet. They are strong and determined little spirits who can make this world a better place if they so desire.

I pray everyday that my children will be strong amidst adversity and not be afraid to be a leader of righteousness, even when they are mocked by their peers or well meaning adults. 

Prayers. 

Everyday.

Many times a day for these little humans I adore.

Cousin Visit

One of my nieces had the opportunity to chill with Papa and Buckabu for a week - which meant we were able to bask in her awesome company too!

Moo felt super special joining her at the Zoo and got some great cousin one on one time while his older brothers were at school.

We arrived at the zoo early and were spoiled by all of the attention the animals were willing to offer. Plus, I've finally discovered what my favorite animal is. Do you realize what an absolute relief it is to finally have an answer to that question after 33 years?  

An anteater!

They're seriously the coolest. Everything about them is delightfully bizarre, from the way they look to finding out they walk on their knuckles - plus the one at our zoo loves to frolic about in the water and jumps around with extreme enthusiasm for life  - what? It's basically the coolest.

After the zoo we went on to have a marvelous time at the fair and then continued our fun at maybe my new number one place to watch my children play, the fountain. 

Moo and G.J.

The Fair - I'll admit, kind of boring pictures. 

Moo did say to me after his first ride, 

"That was fun but I was kind of freaking out." While on it his face would switch from smile, frown, smile, frown. :)

Ruckus

G.J.

Moo kind of freaking out.

Moo on the train 

Ruckus appeasing me with a smile.  

 The Fountain

Lou, G.J. Ruckus and Moo trying to get Papa and Buckabu wet with their heads.

Papa being tricky - "Dawn, let's go for a walk" or in other words, let me try to get you drenched Sweetheart. :)

FREEZING!

Don't you love these two? I sure do. What a good Daddy my little girl has.