I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home

This is a picture Moo drew of me last week and it was spot on.

I am thankful for my plate. It is a good plate -

 it's just been a little fuller lately.

The Beloved travels quite a bit and was gone last week.

I've returned to school to help this mind of mine progress.

Our house is under contract to sell (which is a blessing) so house hunting and packing has ensued.

Um - I'm large and in charge and scheduled to have a baby within the month.

Plus, ya know - I've got a litter of offspring running amuck.

So, party on :) and embrace the craziness. 

Below are a few precious quiet moments amidst the storm:

There was a duck in our front yard. 

I appreciated this feathered beauty so.

We sat and watched it enjoy the sunshine for a little while.

Little C and Moo duck observing

The Baby's older brothers dressed her in Ruckus pj's for the day.

They were proud.

Coloring, drawing, and creating.

They'll do this quietly for hours. 

Always more bed partners when The Beloved is gone but I'm a sucker when it comes to cuddling with my babies.

The Baby in dreamland.

But, this Mama and her children are so glad when Daddy comes home!

Free to Change

Have you ever heard of a pivot point? It is a moment that occurs in your life that influences you to make a mighty change.
I had one of those moments when I was a very young, recently divorced, single mother. I was sitting in the church parking lot, after a night of partying, waiting for my best friend's mom to exit the building with my two year old Little C. He had been in her care overnight, which was an often weekend occurrence, and then had attended church with her the following morning. 
I remember watching my sweet, chubby cheeked toddler walk out the church doors, his hand in hers, being led to my car by this valiant caregiver. I was struck by the tremendous service and example she was providing my young son, but then another thought intruded upon my mind, "Why is this woman holding your son's hand as he walks out of church and not you?" A flood of emotion stormed my heart as I realized that if I continued on this path of choosing to worship "fun" instead of my Heavenly Father it would impact Little C's life so very negatively.  A wave of extreme grief and guilt flew over me - and then, in entered my pivot point. 
I had to make a choice.
At the end of my life I didn't want to utter any words similar to the ones found in 2 Nephi 9: 46:"... and the devil hath obtained me, that I am a prey to his awful misery." That consequence made me sick, for myself and my child. I did not want to invite Satan's influence in over my posterity due to my lackadaisical example of obedience.
President David O. McKay counseled:"The greatest battle of life is fought within the silent chambers of your own soul."
There was a quiet war waging in my heart for weeks afterward and I was afraid. I knew something great would occur if I allowed it, but change is hard work to embrace.
Paul said, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bare it."
So, I chose to change and escape.  I followed the counsel found in 2 Nephi 10:23, "Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves - to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life." 
I was free to choose. I was free to change. I was free to stop alienating myself from God and what He desired of me.
I was free to take advantage of the Atonement and bask in the glorious consequences that followed. 2 Nephi 9: 21 says, "And He cometh into the world that he may save all men (consequence) if they will hearken unto his voice (your choice); for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children..."
Choices can be hard and only we can determine which path we're going to take but I promise the Lord's route is much smoother and far more rewarding. 
Change is possible. The choice I made almost 11 years ago bares testimony of that. I plead with you as Nephi's younger brother Jacob does, if any change needs to occur in your life, please choose to "turn away from your sin; shake off the chains of him that would bind you fast; come unto that God who is the rock of your salvation." 
This is the kind of change that welcomes in true happiness. 
I know it because I've lived it.

Past Feeling

Have you ever found yourself in the state of being past feeling? Sounds sad doesn't it?  Past, in the dictionary, is defined as - gone by in time and no longer existing. "Gone by in time" due to what I wonder? And  can you imagine subsisting in this state for such an extended period of time that certain emotional reactions cease to exist? 

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel are at it again and Nephi says in verse 45: Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words..."

What did Laman and Lemuel invite into their lives that allowed for them to be past feeling? I believe one invitation was opening the door to negative thoughts. In 1 Nephi 16: 37 "Laman said unto Lemuel and also unto the sons of Ishmael: Behold, let us slay our father, and also our brother Nephi, who has taken it upon him to be our ruler and our teacher, who are his elder brethren." What the world? Where did that come from? Just a short 3 verses earlier Laman and the other murmurers had "humbled themselves before the Lord, and did give thanks unto Him." True, Ishmael died shortly after this verse which must have been a tremendous trial but to suddenly encourage others to murder your own father and brother? Don't you feel like some pretty dark thoughts must have been harboring in that mind of his, dying to burst out? 

Are we storing any thoughts that encourage us to be past feeling?

And what is it we don't want to feel; guilt, truth, hurt, or the desire to change?

When I was growing up I attended two different Especially For Youth (EFY) programs. The first summer at this event I remember the flood of emotional joy I felt while watching a slide show of Christ accompanied by the most exquisite music. I walked away feeling uplifted and knowing I was a beloved daughter of God. The next time I attended EFY my life choices had taken a very different direction and the Holy Ghost had ceased to be my companion. I was curious to see how I would feel at the slide show I had loved so much the previous summer. When the time came for my beautiful Savior's face and life to be displayed slide after slide my face fell, I felt nothing; nothing but emptiness and a desire to put the blame on the gospel instead of myself. I had put myself in the condition of being past feeling. 

I wish I could say I went home and fixed things immediately but sadly, it took another six additional years for me to desire to feel again. In 1 Nephi 17: 7 The Lord says to Nephi, "Arise, and get thee into the mountain..." He was immediately obedient and when he arrived at the mount he didn't wait for the Lord to speak but instead Nephi, "... cried unto the Lord" for instruction. He acted. In order for me to no longer be past feeling I had to actively be obedient to the Lord's commandments and I couldn't passively sit by waiting for some great vision of direction. I cried unto Him. Over and over again until my heart began to soften and the spirit said, welcome back.

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel couldn't be convinced of the wrongness of their ways because of the hardness of their hearts and their condition of past feeling. The Lord finally said unto Nephi, "stretch forth thine hand again unto thy brethren and they shall not wither before thee, but I will shock them, saith the Lord, and this will I do, that they many know that I am the Lord their God." It was like the Lord had to take a defibrillator to their chests and bring them back from the dead, awakening them from their awful state so they could remember Him and feel of His purpose.  

It is my testimony that there is hope beyond the condition of past feeling. There is a way for us to feel of His presence again. Our Savior died not only for my once "past feeling" heart but for everyone's. 1 Nephi 19: 9 reads, "And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him , and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men. "

Post General Conference Highlight

After a wonderful weekend filled with uplifting, spiritual messages shared in General Conference the boys spoiled the ladies in this household with foot rubs. Moo did more of a leery inspection on my feet... but it's a start.

P.S. Ruckus - you once again are absent from this activity.

P.P.S. In 20 years a future prospective spouse may be really impressed by your ability to serve and cater to her poor feet - you better step up your game kiddo! 

Moo looking unsure while  inspecting my feet. :(

Lou being a goof ball while  rubbing the Baby's feet

Little C even does it with a smile. :) I've trained him well.

I have such good boys! I love them! Even the Absent Ruckus.

Behind the Scenes

A few conversations I don't want to forget:

Little C went to his first school dance with a couple of buddies. After we dropped him off one of my kids asked, "do you think Little C will dance with any girls?"

Ruckus responded, "Yes!" then in a sweet voice, "because he is so handsome."

When the dance was over and Little C returned home we started having a conversation about dating.

Lou and Ruckus were asked if they were excited to date? Their responses represent their personalities perfectly. 

Ruckus said, "Yes!" and then started making a list of the girls he'd ask out when he turned 16. 

Lou responded, "I'll be excited to date when I'm the appropriate age."

Another story depicting Lou's valiant personality happened only a few days later. Little C had, had this turd of a kid kind of bullying him at school. It's since been resolved but at the time I was feeling my inner mother bear come out and I said to Little C, "Definitely pray to Heavenly Father about his issue but maybe you just need to punch him in the face?" Lou, who had been listening quietly in the background replied,

"Actually, when somebody punches you in one cheek Jesus said to turn your head so they can punch the other."

Man, the little peacemaker. I was humbled. Not that I want Little C to endure abuse and he did finally have to push the bully on the ground to get him to knock it off, but I love the tenderness and obedience that occupies Lou's heart.

Here are a few unrelated photos to share what goes on around this house when we're just home, hanging out.

The Baby with a box on her head.

Lou taking a turn.

Moo, Lou, and Ruckus made necklaces out of cereal and pretzels. 

Ahh, they love each other.

Compassion Experience

I recently took my kids to an event called the Compassion Experience. It was an audio tour narrated by various children growing up in 3rd world countries detailing the impoverished lives they were brought up in. As we listened, we traveled through various trailers, set up to replicate the environments being described in the audio tour.

Most of the children began working to help support their families around the age of 7. My kiddos hearts were definitely touched. What stood out to them the most though was the alcohol addiction of some of the parents. One child would wake up in the middle of the night to find his mother was gone and he'd go and track her down at a local bar and bring her back home. 

This experience spoke to all of our hearts and we were filled with compassion but it also reminded us of the safety the Word of Wisdom provides- plus I loved seeing how dang cute my kids all looked in those over sized headphones.

Daddy-Son Date

The Beloved and Ruckus bonded at the BSU season opener together.

Ruckus thinks BSU games are good but even better if they involve Nachos.