Got Gas?

 

Three year old Ruckus' dreams are coming true with the discovery of making himself burp.

His true desire is to belch the ABC's but since he's a little unsure of his alphabet he is content to burp out random letters as well.

One of my proudest mom moments. Kind of. 

Vulnerability Hangover

First of all - Let's just get this out of the way -

In my brain the word vulnerable must be said in a Russian accent.

Seriously.

Try it.

VULLLNERRRABLLLE.

You like it don't you?

:)

I don't usually suffer from "in the moment" vulnerability.

It's the onslaught of the vulnerability hangover coming to visit after the moment is over that I suffer from.

Examples -

I love teaching. I enjoy speaking in church. I am confident while doing so...

but after a few hours go by the worry floods in.

Did I provide correct information? Was I preaching or teaching? Gosh, I hope I didn't offend anybody.

And most often this one appears - 

Maybe people just view me as a silly little blond girl with a lack of experience and education who has too many opinions?

Wow huh? :)

There's Satan working at his finest - thrusting the vulnerability hungover upon me.

And I fall for it. Almost everytime.

The next example -

being social. Grrrrrr.

This one's a killer.

Here's the truth.

I like you.

I want you to know it.

Few people bother me so I think we can just all be friends.

So we're friends -

we hang out.

Have a good time.

Go home.

Guess who comes to visit my mind?  Aghhh -Not again.

Did I say anything offensive?

I shared way too much about myself.

I shouldn't be so crude. - that doesn't represent me well.

Was I nice and did I include everyone?

Am I too happy? Maybe too negative?

Oh - for the love.

So, then The Beloved asks me if I had a good time and I almost always say this,

"It was fun but it's so much easier to just stay at home with you and the kids."

Why?

Because it's comfortable.

I know they love me - I love them - and there's no worry.

I don't have to wonder if they really like me. Don't have to guess what they're thinking. I know their communication styles, roles, and most of all -

it's easy.

Welcome the sweet peace.

So for the next 3 months girl time is the last thing from my mind. No post-anxiety to deal with-

and I can just get lost in my glorious day to day.

Until the 4th month hits and I break down to my spouse that I don't have many friends. I ask him if it's them or me and then he sits me down for our quarterly therapy session. :)

Our last session resulted in this selfish discovery -

I want to be liked.

I want my friends to know they rock!

(because I really feel they do)

I want to be invited...

 

so I can decline your invitation yet still feel included by it.

 

All to avoid the  -

vulnerability hangover.

Counseling may be needed by friends. :)

Here's the problem.

While I'm being consumed by worry and selfishness I overlook the fact that people do need me.

My friends need me.

Friends who I've felt prompted to call or text but avoided to do so because I didn't want to be annoying or stalker-ish... or dare I say,

vulnerable.

I found out about a few trials some of my friends are going through recently. It breaks my heart to see these strong, valiant, amazing women struggle.

They could have used a phone call earlier.

So all friends be prepared,

I probably am going to contact you.

I don't care (well I do but I'm going to pretend like I don't) if you think I'm annoying or over the top.

The Beloved's most recent therapy tip keeps playing around in my mind.

"When questioning about whether or not to call a friend or invite them to do something, don't over think it.

Just respond as you would like a friend to. I'ts okay to give them the opportunity to say no or yes.Would you want to be invited? Would you like a call? The answer is usually yes."

Boys are smart. :)

The vulnerability hangover is unfortunately part of life -

Satan's powerfully, smart, tricky way of encouraging us to think we're not good enough.

It helps us avoid developing our talents and blessing the lives of others.

SO - here's my coping mechanism -

If I feel unsure... insecure.... nervous...

I'm going to repeat -

I can handle the vulnerability hangover -

over and over again in my head -

in a Russian accent.

I know it will be empowering.

Genius.

:)

 

 P.S. Mom and Sisters - I am just venting. I am happy, content and in no way suffering from depression. In social situations I get anxiety a bit afterwards but mostly because I am lazy in the friend department. It is a lot of work and my brain is t.i.r.e.d.
Plus I really enjoy accents and the more opportunities I get to use them the happier I'll be. :)

Kissable...

 Hug able , Lovable, Unbelievable!



Football R US?

Kind of.

Little C played flag football this season and ....mostly liked it.

He's fast.

He can catch.

He can throw.

There's just not a competitive sports bone in my little guys body.

Little C enjoys going to practice - bonding with his teammates - learning from the coaches - he has fun.

But, the seriousness of game day is not his thing.

He still looks adorable in his little jersey though and scored a few touch downs while he was at it.

Little C is the kid who wants to be friends with everybody -

can't we all just get along?

...we don't need to compete. :)

We love you Little C. So glad you're you!

 



Just Chillin'

I'm in love with my children.

No lie.

Especially in these little beanies.

Cute offspring in beanies makes me want to kick my feet up, turn on a little reggae music...

and not

"(don't) worry about a thing".