Yesterday my sister rose early, dashed her 7 year old off to school and then headed to the gym where she dropped her 2 yr old off in child care so she could cardio it up.
Afterward, sweaty and adorned in work out clothes, she hurried directly to her local grocery store, with daughter in tow, so she could participate in a Tuesday drawing they have.
Upon entering the store she observed an elderly couple who also, apparently, observed her. The woman turned to the man and loudly whispered,
"See, there's another one of "them" that doesn't care."
What the?
My sister, being cool, just laughed to herself and thought - seriously?
Oh the judgments we desire to make of each other.
So unfortunate.
Over three and a half years ago my little family had just moved back to Boise from IL.
Little C was 7, Lou 2 1/2, and Ruckus around 15 mos old.
I had recently found out I was pregnant with Moo and felt miserable, tired, and zero motivation to accomplish anything besides keeping my children alive.
The Beloved was traveling back and forth from IL to ID and was rarely home, which left the majority of the unpacking to yours truly.
Little C had signed up for scouts at school and was striving to get his Bobcat award.
After I picked him up from school one day he had approximately
an hour and a half before scouts was scheduled to begin.
I couldn't bare the thought (that's really how it felt - COULD NOT BARE THE THOUGHT!) of going home and making a dinner I wouldn't want to eat (because nothing is satisfying to these taste buds my first trimester of pregnancy - which is super depressing to this food loving gal). I just wanted to sit down, enjoy my kids, and pay for someone else to serve me.
I decided to go to a family restaurant I had frequented as a kid called Raedean's.
We sat down, ordered, and had a pretty pleasant meal. Little C and I looked over his scout book, he made goals, and I signed off a few things already accomplished.
Lou and Ruckus behaved pretty well. It definitely wasn't on my list of nightmare restaurant adventures, and trust me, I had a mental list going.
All of a sudden this disgusted elderly lady, followed by her spouse -was in my face, shaking her finger wildly - shouting -
You ruined our whole meal and every one's in the restaurant! You are a horrible mother! - allowing your family to be so disruptive!
In my day people took their children out when they were being so naughty.
I blame this all on your parents. They must have raised you with this low class behavior!
You are the reason I am not voting for the upcoming school bond.
Why should I support someone raising juvenile delinquents?
.......
and she went on, and on, and on.....
not letting me say a word. Every time I tried she'd stick her finger in my face and scream, "Now you listen to me!"
Little C was my hero, shaking his head the whole time declaring, "not true, that's not true."
When she finished I said - thank you for your kindness.
And when she walked around the corner to leave -
I starting sobbing.
I had never been the recipient of such unkindness and harsh judgment.
I was ashamed I hadn't been able to jump to the defense of my sweet babies.
Being a mother is the most important job in the world.
The most.
Nothing else can be so rewarding, joyful, heartbreaking and hard at the same time.
Sculpting humans into being something amazing - to be virtuous, hard working, filled with faith and charity - love -
that's my goal -
and I had basically just been told that I had failed.
As my head was laying in my hands on the table, trying to pull my composure together, an angel of a woman appeared at my side and said,
"You didn't bother us at all honey."
She looked around the table searching out the faces of my boys one by one. Truly seeing them.
"You have three boys. Wow, what a blessing. They are wonderful and you are doing a good job.
Let me pay for your meal.
Don't worry about what she said."
She immediately took our bill and paid the amount due.
I was a speechless, tear streaming, snot running, hiccuping, thankful mess.
The server came up to me shortly afterward and said many of the other customers want you to know you hadn't bothered them in the least.
I stumbled over thank yous right and left as we were leaving Raedean's.
Somehow we beat the enraged elderly woman to the parking lot.
As they were exiting the building we were preparing to get in our car and I noticed Lou picking up an impressive boulder and lobbing it at the red car next to us - it landed on the hood.
Is this really happening right now?
I scrambled over to pull it off - making sure it left zero marks and then loaded my family in the car.
Red car amazingly enough belonged to the woman who is not so fond of my parenting skills.
Luckily - she hadn't observed the trespass of my two year old.
Relief.
As I drove my thoughts wandered -
Firstly - Wow, she sucks as a person.
This woman had just spent her whole meal hating my family.
She became obsessed with creating a story of my life - past, present, and future.
We were working on scouting for goodness sake -
if she only knew my parents - how proper, good and respectable they are -
Can you imagine what a rant she would have gone on if she knew I was pregnant?
She knows nothing about my plate.
That sitting down at Raedean's had been a blessing to me.
To be able to chat with my kids, not have to cook or unpack, and to just enjoy these gifts that have been sent to me from heaven.
She didn't know I was exhausted.
Little C wanted me to drive back around and give her a piece of my mind.
I told him it was pointless. Some people are just determined to be miserable.
Plus, I don't know what's on her plate.
Maybe she's sick -
sad -
exhausted -
and all she wanted was to find peace during her meal and instead was intruded upon by the chatter of little children.
She obviously doesn't love the chatter of little children as I do.
I know the majority of things she said were untrue.
But it did make me more aware of how my children behave in public and I have tried to instill in them respect for those around us.
This experience also reminded me of the valuable lesson to not judge and to avoid irrational preconceived notations based upon my own thoughts.
Such a waste of time.
How much better the woman's time was spent who rushed to my side offering her comfort, reassurance and love.
She made the difference.
She's the person who made me want to be better -
not vice versa.
