Past Feeling

Have you ever found yourself in the state of being past feeling? Sounds sad doesn't it?  Past, in the dictionary, is defined as - gone by in time and no longer existing. "Gone by in time" due to what I wonder? And  can you imagine subsisting in this state for such an extended period of time that certain emotional reactions cease to exist? 

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel are at it again and Nephi says in verse 45: Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words..."

What did Laman and Lemuel invite into their lives that allowed for them to be past feeling? I believe one invitation was opening the door to negative thoughts. In 1 Nephi 16: 37 "Laman said unto Lemuel and also unto the sons of Ishmael: Behold, let us slay our father, and also our brother Nephi, who has taken it upon him to be our ruler and our teacher, who are his elder brethren." What the world? Where did that come from? Just a short 3 verses earlier Laman and the other murmurers had "humbled themselves before the Lord, and did give thanks unto Him." True, Ishmael died shortly after this verse which must have been a tremendous trial but to suddenly encourage others to murder your own father and brother? Don't you feel like some pretty dark thoughts must have been harboring in that mind of his, dying to burst out? 

Are we storing any thoughts that encourage us to be past feeling?

And what is it we don't want to feel; guilt, truth, hurt, or the desire to change?

When I was growing up I attended two different Especially For Youth (EFY) programs. The first summer at this event I remember the flood of emotional joy I felt while watching a slide show of Christ accompanied by the most exquisite music. I walked away feeling uplifted and knowing I was a beloved daughter of God. The next time I attended EFY my life choices had taken a very different direction and the Holy Ghost had ceased to be my companion. I was curious to see how I would feel at the slide show I had loved so much the previous summer. When the time came for my beautiful Savior's face and life to be displayed slide after slide my face fell, I felt nothing; nothing but emptiness and a desire to put the blame on the gospel instead of myself. I had put myself in the condition of being past feeling. 

I wish I could say I went home and fixed things immediately but sadly, it took another six additional years for me to desire to feel again. In 1 Nephi 17: 7 The Lord says to Nephi, "Arise, and get thee into the mountain..." He was immediately obedient and when he arrived at the mount he didn't wait for the Lord to speak but instead Nephi, "... cried unto the Lord" for instruction. He acted. In order for me to no longer be past feeling I had to actively be obedient to the Lord's commandments and I couldn't passively sit by waiting for some great vision of direction. I cried unto Him. Over and over again until my heart began to soften and the spirit said, welcome back.

In 1 Nephi chapter 17 Laman and Lemuel couldn't be convinced of the wrongness of their ways because of the hardness of their hearts and their condition of past feeling. The Lord finally said unto Nephi, "stretch forth thine hand again unto thy brethren and they shall not wither before thee, but I will shock them, saith the Lord, and this will I do, that they many know that I am the Lord their God." It was like the Lord had to take a defibrillator to their chests and bring them back from the dead, awakening them from their awful state so they could remember Him and feel of His purpose.  

It is my testimony that there is hope beyond the condition of past feeling. There is a way for us to feel of His presence again. Our Savior died not only for my once "past feeling" heart but for everyone's. 1 Nephi 19: 9 reads, "And the world, because of their iniquity, shall judge him to be a thing of naught; wherefore they scourge him, and he suffereth it; and they smite him, and he suffereth it. Yea, they spit upon him , and he suffereth it, because of his loving kindness and his long-suffering towards the children of men. "