Our story begins approximately Wednesday around 5:00 p.m.- cruising down I84 - only my two dear children and myself- heading for my eldest siblings abode. Everything seems to be going grand - rockin' out to the soundtrack Wicked, kids are behaving exceptionally well - when my dashboard starts vibrating like crazy. It sounds as if something has lodged itself underneath the hood, or possibly a rock has hit my windshield hard enough to let a stream of air blow through. I go through various scenarios in my mind, hoping that this foreign sound will just somehow disappear. Finally realizing that this new little problem wasn't going to go away on its own, I exit on the next available off ramp, praying that this wasn't the next Texas Chainsaw Massacre tale. Feeling depressed and extremely irritated at my piecer automobile, not to mention my eyes darting from side to side looking for the first sign of the crazy phsycho out to get the lone woman and her children, I pull over and put the car in park. My investigating leads me to the console located underneath the dashboard - and Lo and Behold, what do I find?!
MY HUSBAND'S ELECTRIC SHAVER - GOING FULL SPEED AHEAD!!
What the world?! So many questions - 1. How could a cheapy electric shaver be strong enough to shake the whole front of my vehicle? Well, that's an easy one - I drive a Suzuki Forenza - which one day will probably be worth less than the culprit involved. 2. Why the heck is his shaver in my car? We may never know. He can't remember. 3. Why didn't the option of the electric shaver being turned on ever play out in my mind? I don't know... maybe because that's ridiculous!
Shaking my head in disbelief yet being thankful that the situation wasn't truly serious, I safely merge back onto the freeway, feeling glad the worst is over. HA!
About 4 hours later we are still smooth sailing - only 45 minutes to go, and the kiddos are still doing great.
Luckily I'm obeying the speed limit as I notice an officer hiding on the side of the road. Then, I remember - I totally have a headlight that went out a couple days ago, which the Beloved Spouse didn't have time to replace. Shoot doggy dog... I inhale then exhale, inhale then exhale as the police vehicle pulls out behind me. Alright, this is fine, I am a pregnant woman, traveling with two young children long distance - the sympathy and opposite sex factor is totally in my favor.
I see the flashing red lights flip on in my rear view mirror, I slowly move to the side of the road trying to look as pathetic as possible. Another deep inhale/exhale. As I unroll my window I gasp, discovering that the opposite sex factor is totally squashed as the police woman says, "Hi Mam." Oh crap...
"Mam, do you know that you have a headlight out?"
" Gosh, yes I noticed that. We are traveling long distance - I am so sorry. I will get that fixed before we return home."
"Okay, well you have a nice...." - she then gets interrupted by my six year old. "MOM, YOU ALWAYS GET PULLED OVER!"
Oh crap... (nervous giggle) thinking - great now she's going to give me a ticket because I had to giggle - on top of everything else.
Police Woman suspiciously says, "Can I see your license, registration, and driver license Mam?"
Is a person really going to say no?
I hand her the requested documents as she continuously strobes my vehicle with her flash light. What does she think she's going to find? Or maybe she's just amazed at how many french fry particles and cracker crumbs can fit into a car. I know it always astonishes me.
"I'll be right back with these Mam."
I turn to face my sell-out child - "Little C - why did you say that?"
"Because it's true Mom."
And I can't get upset - because honestly, he's right. I have had a horrible stroke of bad luck recently. I have been pulled over once a month for the passed two months - this being the third time. But, I promise it's not as bad as it sounds. The first time it was for the other headlight being burnt out and then the second time it was due to my registration being expired - but just barely my friends... just barely. I'll have you know I went home that day and registered it for another two years. I am usually quite an honest and responsible citizen. Neither one of the incidents resulted in a ticket. I knew my time had come...
She's returns to the vehicle....
WITH NO TICKET IN HAND!
Oh yeah! It's my birthday. I'm going party like it's my birthday!!
God Bless you Dear Police Woman - on whatever highway you may be traveling!
So what are the odds... two pretty big scares that turn out okay...
Thank goodness we are almost there.
I arrive at our destination, exhausted but relieved.
The nature of our journey is watching my sister's kids while she and her husband go on a little romantic escapade for their anniversary. Their plane leaves quite early in the morning, so my sister begins to explain the ins and outs of her pad. Feeling a little sleepy I get lost in some of the detail, but I mostly recall the words broccoli and asparagus in some of the menu descriptions.
TIME OUT - I am not a healthy soul... it's unfortunate but true. I feel relieved when my kids eat pop tarts because the words "healthy snack" appears on the label - and I trust those labels :) -
TIME IN - She goes on to describe how to cook these particular vegetables since I am certain she knows just how unfamiliar I am. You gotta love her.
-Thursday morning 6:30 a.m. - yes I said 6:30 a.m.... Oh for the love... kids are dressed, fed, maybe their teeth are brushed- and three of them are out the door for school. Not too bad, I think to myself. The days going a little crazier than normal since I have two more at home than I am used to... but it's definitely manageable.
Kids come home - do their chores - homework - snack - play - I start making dinner before I have to run them off for karate. I call my mom, needing to be reminded how to steam broccoli yet once again. It stinks so bad I dry heave every 30 sec. I keep wondering if one of the kids has a dirty diaper and then I remember... no this is just how healthy smells. Like crap.
Dinner turns out fine and the broccoli doesn't look half bad until one of the kids says, "It looks like it died." I guess broccoli is supposed to be harder and crunchier. Who knew?
All in all - not a bad day... now it's time to load up everyone in the car for karate. Everyone, meaning seven children and myself. Life is good.
Following my sister's directions, we travel to karate class and drop off 2 of the 7 without too many hitches... now how to abide the time with the remaining five? We have about an hour - Hmmm... Snacks! Snacks are always grand.
Unless you don't know where you're going. One wrong turn results in another and I quickly glance down at the directions provided by my lovely sister.
Then it happens. Yes "IT". That moment you realize you're about to wreck some one elses car - which is totally ten times worse than wrecking your own. Yep it's true. Glancing down is never a good idea. Why didn't I listen to my mother? I slam on my brakes, watching the truck in front of us lurch forward.
I look at my nine year old nephew who's sitting directly to my right. His eyes are wide open in shock. Then I start thinking - Oh great - Did I say Dang it or that other word that sounds like a man made structure that is surrounded by a body of water except ends with an N and is usually followed with an "it". It couldn't have been the latter because this one would definitely give me a lecture and all I hear is silence. Whew!
I scan the passengers in the back seat - though shaken up a bit - there seem to be no missing limbs or injuries. I put the car in park and get out to survey the damage.
Preparing myself for the worst I being to inspect the other vehicle. The other driver is already outside and I start spouting off a million apologies. He says, "Are you guys okay? Because I am fine and it looks like my truck is good too."
Do my ears deceive me? His truck is good too? But it is!!!! I hit him right on his trailer hitch and it didn't cause any damage at all. So, then I start rambling all sorts of weird things like, "Oh good! Oh I could hug you! Oh I am in love with your trailer hitch!" What...? I don't know, but I was definitely elated. He pats my shoulder and tells me to have a better night then drives away.
I look over at my sister's vehicle, unfortunately it didn't have as much luck as the truck. There is a big dent in her front bumper. Shoot!!! Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! She and her husband purchased this SUV less than a year ago - I can feel the tears beginning to form.
Trying to compose myself I re-enter the car and hear my one year old crying. Oh, I hope he's okay. Then Little C yells, "Mom you are so busted! I am totally telling your sister." Gosh, what's with all the help lately from the six year old? I reply, "Thank you, but I am sure I can handle it." I then have to lecture him about speaking respectfully to adults, especially to your parents.
I drive about 10 MPH all the way back to Karate - stopping first at a gas station to buy tons of chocolate and loads of Pepsi.
I also bawl to my sister on the phone, inside the convenient store, for 15 minutes. She's great and acts so kind and completely understanding - She says, "I can't be upset, you are there watching my kids. Things happen." Well, I didn't volunteer to watch your family so I could destroy your property - but she won't let me talk about it anymore.
We pick up the kids from karate - come home - read scriptures -say prayers - everyone is in bed by 8:30 and I am left alone to devour my chocolate.
So, the good news is - today is a new day! No accidents or injuries - plus I purchased pop tarts, which really takes a huge burden off my shoulders. :)
The toilet did get clogged - with some unusually large feces but I'll take that over car problems. Plus I am now a master plumber and that is something to truly be proud about.
Wish me luck!
Somehow that little brown haired, olive toned baby turned into this - Quite a different version than was to be expected - but a keeper nonetheless.
So baby turns one - 
and the party begins.
and the party 
Presents are opened and 
and as long as cake is out of the picture - it seems as if we have a happy one year old on our hands. 
Or maybe just a Uterus! Gosh, is that truly grotesque?! I can't believe I posted it - 
Other than those times we are lovely people and you are welcome to visit our home! If you are a little daring during this Halloween season you are more than welcome to come visit in the morning or evening hours mauhhhh (evil laugh).
