So, I Yelled at my Kids Today...

Do you ever do that? I think everybody except for the baby had a front seat to my wrath. Granted, they weren't perfect little angels either. Everyone tattle-tailed, Ruckus was mad at Moo for messing up his game, Moo was mad at Ruckus for being mad, Lou was explaining over and over again why we should skip Ruckus' birthday because Ruckus is ornery, Moo thought dinner was disgusting, Little C was mad at everyone for being disrespectful and tried to parent them back into place, and Sweetrotten... well, there's a different tragedy happening every five seconds in this little girl's life.

So, I yelled.

And I may have flicked Moo's nose for telling me my meatballs were disgusting.

The Beloved has correctly labelled our children my little bees. They buzz about, swarming my personal space with their emotions, their words, and their bodies. Often, this is a wonderful thing but sometimes it's difficult for this spirited yet introverted Mama.
  
And today after I yelled over and over again I thought, "Why aren't I better at this yet?" I know the triggers. I know when my feeling-overwhelmed-bubble is about to pop. Man, I suck.

To alleviate my sadness I did the wise thing and started scrolling through Facebook. Ha. But, Heavenly Father is good and led me to a sweet message from author, seminary teacher, and motivational speaker, Hank Smith. A portion of it read, "When we signed up for this mortal experience, we signed up for a fight, a long battle with our own weakness.... This is the human experience we looked forward to and one day, when we look back on it, we'll cherish each and every day, both the breathtaking and the dismal."

(P.S. or M.S. mid script -No need to call the Whhaaambulance. My life is good. I have far easier trials than many. I have extreme gratitude for the life Heavenly Father has blessed me with. But I do get discouraged when I invite or contribute to contention in the home. P.P.S. I know most everyone has yelled at their kids and if you want a confession - sometimes it makes me happy (for a second) hearing them because I know they're not perfect. I'm a little evil.)

I opened my journal and made a list of my top five weaknesses and prepared mentally for battle. Afterward I looked over at my previous journal entry and saw a forgotten note I had jotted down. It read, "Make a list of personal weaknesses and then see which spiritual gifts you have been given to supersede those weaknesses." Obviously, Heavenly Father has been trying to get Queen Oblivious to pay attention for awhile.

So, here's the cool thing.

I started pondering President Eyring and Elder Holland's "Face to Face" . In one portion they discuss patriarchal blessings and President Eyring points out, "A patriarchal blessing, I would take it very, very seriously, but not expect it to be comforting. I wouldn't read it for sweetness. I would read it for 'what does God know about my life and what can I do better?' It's not supposed to make you feel sweet. It's supposed to make you know what it is God has in store for you." 

I have read my patriarchal blessing many times for sweetness, but tonight I read it in preparation for battle. To overcome my weaknesses. I read it for, "What does God know about my life and what can I do better?"  And of course, wouldn't you know, for every weakness I had listed, my patriarchal blessing listed a spiritual gift to overcome it. 

I'm going to get there. Through hard work and awareness, there is hope. I'll probably yell at my kids a few more times, but what a comfort it is to know Heavenly Father's got my back. He spelled it out clearly today.