Worth.

I work with the youth, specifically the girls, in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I was asked to share tonight an experience with the young women that I have had regarding my own divine nature.

 The impressions I felt as to what to share weren't to my liking. They take me back to a time of high personal insecurity. A time when I didn't like myself a whole lot and I'd like to forget that, that Cammy existed.

But alas - it's not my plan folks. It's His.

I've also been feeling like once in awhile I, much to my chagrin,  should share more personal stories regarding my past life :) and how change is possible on my blog.

Oh goody. 

Anyhoo, here's a glimpse into what I shared with the young women tonight.

This is what I know about my Divine Nature  - I was born good. We are all born with goodness. Every precious newborn baby I see I look at in awe.  How perfectly exquisite are they? Beautiful little spirits. I was also born loved. Not only by my parents and family but I was very loved by my Heavenly Father. I'm His Kid - and even though I can't remember a time before this life I still know I was born with His divine heritage. My spirit was created by God. By His majesty. Which means I - and you - are pretty magnificent.

It's a huge door that he's opened to everyone of us. We were born with greatness, goodness, kindness, virtue and extreme worth because we are His creations. We stem from perfection.

When my parents took me home from the hospital they brought me home to the very house I live in now. I'm the baby in my family and I have three older sisters whom I pay tribute to. 

I attended elementary school at Hillcrest and I felt like I was friends with everybody. Life was easy - uncomplicated - I was confident and I had five best friends who meant the world to me. We formed a little club with the original name of - The Best Friends Club. We even purchased membership cards from Claire's to make our group official. I was the only LDS friend in the group but our values were basically the same. They were good, fun kids and I enjoyed them immensely. 

During the summer months I usually spent time with my family. We went on family vacations, attended family reunions and I saw my friends once in awhile. 

When it was time to attend Junior High I was sad because My Best Friends Club was being split in half. 3 of us went to West, the other 3 to South. But at least I wouldn't be all alone.

I found out on the bus that first week of Junior High that Junior High People were way different than Elementary School People. My two close friends from the Best Friends Club were like foreigners to me. Something had changed. It's like we didn't even know each other. People were cussing - I saw one of my old friends with a pack of cigarettes - they all acted so grown up and cool. I just wanted to play basketball and do the same stuff we used to do -they were living in a world that I was completely unfamiliar with. I was alone.

Then reality hit me. I was a goody goody. That's so not cool.

I managed to make new friends that year who had pretty good values - they swore once in awhile but I never protested. No big deal I thought; and for the first time I gave myself permission to begin closing that door of divine goodness and purity that encompassed me.

After another summer hit, WOW, people changed again. While I had been protected in my realm of peace, security and a gospel centered environment - others had not.

Again I felt uncertain. I didn't fit in. I was peculiar. I was alone. 

I had remained super close to one of my friends who went to South throughout this time. She knew all the latest fashion trends, all about boys, famous people, musicians, drinking, drugs - she watched rated R movies. All. the. time. Like it was no big deal. We were very different but when we began drifting apart my alarm button went off!!!! I couldn't lose another friend - 

So I decided to inch that door closed a little bit more because it wasn't convenient or comfortable to have my values.

And eventually after many years I was successful in making sure it wasn't even open a crack.

The thing I didn't realize at the time was that door I was closing was ME. The goodness and divine gifts I had been given were now missing from my existence by my choosing.

I had lost "me" all on my own. My friends would have liked me regardless. It was me who had set these fake standards of grandeur for very opposite decisions than the ones I knew were right.

I remember driving home in the rain one evening, tears streaming down my cheeks, feeling sad because of the last 57 million bad decisions I had made. I was so incredibly unhappy. 

And that was my pivot point. Something had to change. A different direction was needed. 

I timidly turned the handle on that door and slowly opened it a notch to see if my divine worth was still there.

It was.

And He was. 

Our Heavenly Father loves us so very much and desires to bless us abundantly. We just have to make sure we're not closing the door on our divine nature, on ourselves, on Him.

Elder Faust, an apostle of the Lord said,  -  Being a child of God means that if you seek it, you can find your true identity. You will know who you are."