I have a friend in IL who has a favorite cashier at every local grocer. No matter how long the line, she will wait patiently for her kind little checker to assist her.
I think she may be the smartest woman I know.
I have come to the conclusion that someone has secretly stuck an invisible badge on me, that only cashiers are capable of seeing, that states, ask her any dumb question you can think of within the confines of her family.
And this is where our story begins...
It was late.
About 10:30 p.m.
I thought it a safe time to venture out, into the night,
for a quick shopping trip.
Just me and the baby.
No way I would be detected as the stressed out, stay at home mother, who...
HAS HER HANDS FULL.
... but then I was pleasantly reminded that, that wish is impossible.
And, that I am pretty sure it is a qualification for all cashiers to have a sixth sense in determining if you have a large quantity of children -and after that is established, to then proceed in asking you every question under the sun.
It's that or the invisible badge my friends.
Such a toss up...
So the questions roll in:
(Remember this happened about a month or so ago)
Cashier (C) : You're out shopping pretty late.
Me: Yep.
C: How come?
Me: Sometimes it's just easier that way.
C: Is that your baby?
Me: Yep.
C: How old is he?
Me: About 6 weeks.
C: So you just had him huh?
Me: Yep.
C: You have more children?
Me: Yep.
C: How many?
Me: He has three older brothers (pointing at the baby).
C: Wow, that sucks. Crazy. Do you like them?
Me: They're pretty cool. Just not when we're grocery shopping.
C: Do you have a husband too?
Me: Yes, yes I do.
C: Wow. You are brave.
What the H just happened? Seriously?!
So, in my pretend, delicious response life that I dream about having, here is how my wonderfully sarcastic, lack of tact back at ya self would have responded:
C: You're out shopping late.
Me: Yep.
C: How come?
Me: Sometimes it's just easier that way.
C: Is that your baby?
Me: (Now I could say no, but then I wouldn't have the possibility of answering the next couple questions, so we'll stick with yes)
Yep.
C: How old is he?
Me: About six weeks.
C: So you just had him huh?
Me: No. No, it's been a year or so.
C: You have more children?
Me: Yep.
C: How many?
Me: He has three older brothers.
%%%%%%%% (Elder Patton remember this is your sign to read no further... and maybe yours too mom) %%%%%%
C:Wow. That sucks. Do you like them?
Me: Gosh no. I don't even know if they're mine. I'm still trying to figure out who the mother is.
C: Do you have a husband too?
Me: Well, I am glad you asked. The answer to your question is no. I am actually performing a study on how swiftly I can contract sypha-ghona-herpal-aids. It is coming along rather smashingly if I do say so myself.
C: Wow. You are brave.
Okay. I am sorry. That was SUPER naughty.
But honestly -
What the world?
I love my babies.
I love my husband.
And,
To all evil checkers of the Earth -
Be nice.
I really am a decent, married, STD free gal who believes in multiplying and replenishing the state of ID.
And though at times I may appear a bit mental due to extreme fatigue, you should be embracing me, because quite frankly my Pepsi addiction is probably supporting your livelihood.
Thanks.
Take Care.
Until we meet again.
7 comments:
And I thought I was the only one who makes up after conversation responses. I sure do miss you but am glad I can laugh with you through your blog.
I love that the brave comment happens after being informed that you are indeed Married! HAHA. Also, since learning about your I Was Smart Today badges and realizing that I'm not the only one who feels like that every time I go into public I have learned that it is ok to, as nicely as I can, let people (who are asking questions that I know they really don't care for an answer to) know that it is absolutely none of their business. I've told a cashier that they ought to be asking me if I found everything ok and how the store's service was rather than questions about my personal life. You inspired this, so go on, use it!
Love it-- love how honest you are :) I really thing more often than not, people speak before they really think. Or they just don't think at all.... :) You're an awesome mother, just know that!
I like your pretend response better, maybe it would help her realize how ridiculous the questions are.
just made my day..again:)
Cammy, I made you badges, this was the opportune time to use them! Just kidding...people really are dumb, good for you for just going with it.
I just love you! When I've had a day when I could use a laugh you usually come through - thanks again for making my day.
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