Monday, May 21, 2018

Doubt is Good, "They Say"


I've noticed a growing trend within Mormon culture preaching that doubt is good.
A few years ago, while attending a Relief Society Meeting in D.C., I sat there and listened as another visitor, a young girl from BYU-I, explained the benefits of the Wheel of Doubt. She said that doubt pushes us forward. It makes us search and grow, and moves us toward understanding the gospel more fully. Once we've arrived at this new understanding a new doubt may appear, circling us closer toward Christ.
I think their was an audible cheer from the small sea of women in attendance, and even some clapping in support of her Wheel of Doubt message.

I, on the other hand, just felt sick.

This week, after studying the book of Matthew for my New Testament class, I had to post some of my thoughts on a Discussion Board. I posted the following:

He Can Work Miracles if We Let Him
It saddens me to read the stories of Christ when He is not accepted by those who should have known Him best. It saddens me to see His own countrymen’s lack of faith - the effect which prohibited miracles from blessing their lives. In Matt 13:58 we read, “And He did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.”
This chapter also is loaded with their doubtful questions, “Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary? And His brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us?” These aren’t questions asked in faith, accompanied by a hope that the Lord will respond. These are questions of disbelief and disregard for the Lord’s Anointed Son, which must have broken His heart.  
All of this begs the following – Am I allowing Him to work miracles in my life? Do I trust Him? Which doubtful questions are littering my mind, hindering Him from blessing me?

A fellow student gave a thoughtful response, telling me that doubt is good and we shouldn't be afraid of it. She told me doubt is healthy and can essentially bring us closer to Christ.

Again, this message of doubt.
And I thought, isn't it faith that brings us closer to Christ?
I worried that there was something I was missing. If people, really good people, kept encouraging me to doubt, were they right?

I couldn't remember one story in the scriptures, not one in all of the Standard Works, that highlighted doubt as desirable. I scoured through the Index, Topical Guide, and Bible Dictionary looking for one instance where doubt was applauded and beneficial. I couldn't find it.

Here's what I did find though:

Matt 21:21 - Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

1 Tim 2:8-I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.

Romans 14:1 - Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.

Mormon 9:27 - Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling before him.

Ether 3:19 - And because of the knowledge of this man he could not be kept from beholding within the veil; and he saw the finger of Jesus, which, when he saw, he fell with fear; for he knew that it was the finger of the Lord; and he had faith no longer, for he knew, nothing doubting.

Alma 56:47 - Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

1 Nephi 4:3 -  Now behold ye know that this is true; and ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt? Let us go up; the Lord is able to deliver us, even as our fathers, and to destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians.

D&C 6:36 - Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Okay, let me clarify. Do I think doubt is real? Yes. Does it happen to the best of us? Yes. If you find yourself doubting, should you seek out answers through the best books for comfort, peace, and direction? Yes. Is it okay to let people know that you're doubting and having a hard time? Absolutely. Should we look down on ourselves and others for doubting? No. But should it be a red flag? Yes.

Elder Uchtdorf, an apostle of the Lord, said, 

"Some might ask, “But what about my doubts?”


It’s natural to have questions—the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding. There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions. One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty. Faith is to hope for things which are not seen but which are true."


He doesn't say doubt is good, or healthy, or something to be encouraged. He says, it happens. And then he talks about cultivating it with a seed of faith. 

Can we learn from doubt? I'm sure. But it's a lot harder that way.

I wonder if our culture is getting doubt confused with simply asking good.questions.in.faith.? If you compare the word doubt to the word inquire in the scriptures the results are quite different.

Don't be afraid to inquire of the Lord. Questions are good. 

Psalms 24:4 - One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.

Zeph 1:6 - And them that are turned back from the Lord; and those that have not sought the Lord, nor inquired for him.

1 Peter 1:10 - Of which salvation the prophets have inquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you:

1 Nephi 15:3 - For he truly spake many great things unto them, which were hard to be understood, save a man should inquire of the Lord; and they being hard in their hearts, therefore they did not look unto the Lord as they ought.

1 Nephi 15:8 - And I said unto them: Have ye inquired of the Lord?

1 Nephi 16:24 -And it came to pass that he did inquire of the Lord, for they had humbled themselves because of my words; for I did say many things unto them in the energy of my soul.
 
Alma 27:7 - And Ammon said: I will go and inquire of the Lord, and if he say unto us, go down unto our brethren, will ye go?

Jacob 2:11 - Wherefore, I must tell you the truth according to the plainness of the word of God. For behold, as I inquired of the Lord, thus came the word unto me, saying: Jacob, get thou up into the temple on the morrow, and declare the word which I shall give thee unto this people.

Alma 40:3 -  But I show unto you one thing which I have inquired diligently of God that I might know—that is concerning the resurrection. 

Moroni 8:7- For immediately after I had learned these things of you I inquired of the Lord concerning the matter.

Moses 1:18 - And again Moses said: I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him: for his glory has been upon me, wherefore I can judge between him and thee. Depart hence, Satan.

Ether 1:38 - And it came to pass that Jared spake again unto his brother, saying: Go and inquire of the Lord whether he will drive us out of the land, and if he will drive us out of the land, cry unto him whither we shall go. And who knoweth but the Lord will carry us forth into a land which is choice above all the earth? And if it so be, let us be faithful unto the Lord, that we may receive it for our inheritance.

D& 6:11- And if thou wilt inquire, thou shalt know mysteries which are great and marvelous; therefore thou shalt exercise thy gift, that thou mayest find out mysteries, that thou mayest bring many to the knowledge of the truth, yea, convince them of the error of their ways.

D& 6:14 -  Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.

JS -H - 1:18 - My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should join.

I know, scripture overload. I can't help myself.

Believing is Good. Faith is Good. Inquiring of the Lord is Good. And doubt sometimes happens.
But, ditch the wheel of doubt.

And sometimes when the questions don't get answered remember this:
Mosiah 4:9-  Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.







Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The Not-so Terrible Two's

To our baby,

You are full of life my dear! Just watch the video at the end of this blog post and you'll see the joy you bring into our lives. You're a rambunctious hoot. 
For your birthday we decided to go to McDonald's since it had worked so well for Sweetrotten's. We were the only ones in the play place and you couldn't have been happier. We danced to the music playing and Dad tried to get us to mimic his awesome dance moves. He's hilarious. You love everything about music. You almost always accompany it with your singing and lyrical dance moves. You like it when we all sit down on the couch in the family room and then watch you put on your personally choreographed recitals. And you're pretty good. You and Sweetrotten could perform for us for hours. 
After dance you're next great love is babies. Oh my gosh! The joy is real! You rock them, feed them, and sing them, "I love you said the Little Blue Man." (When this happens you tell me you're singing and rocking them just like Buckabu does to you.) You even have the comfort jiggle down, where you whisper, "sh, sh, sh," over and over again. When you see a baby in real life you are all over that mothering assignment. Last July, after a family reunion, we attended a random ward in UT. At the time you were only about 20 mos old. During Sacrament Meeting you looked over and saw a delightfully chubby baby laying on the floor. She was probably the same size as you, but much younger. You walked right over and tried to pick her up, but she wouldn't budge off the floor. You were bugged, she was terrified. After I pulled you away from your self appointed charge you were not pleased. You screamed for the baby and dad had to take you out in the hall for the rest of the meeting. I promise one day honey you'll be big enough to love on babies and nurture them to your hearts content. 
You are freaking adorable with those big brown eyes and the way you speak adds to your cuteness. You over pronounce your Rs and it's the best. It's like you add on three r's wherever r is found in a word.  You have an awesome vocabulary and people follow your commands. Just last night you were yelling at your brothers to, "Go to bed, guys!" You can be bossy, a little temperamental and unpredictable, but mostly you're sweet. Every day you tell me, "Mommy, I love you so much." And you tell me Daddy is silly. 
Sweetrotten is your patient playmate and I often hear her explaining to you how sharing works. Your conversations go something like this:
You: (screaming) "It's mine!!!"
Sweetrotten: (calmly) "No, it's mine, but I'll share with you. That's what people do, they share. So, I'll let you use it for a little while and then you'll give it back." 
Now, I wish every interaction went this well, but this is real life yo. Luckily, you all love each other dearly so problems are typically solved quickly. 
Last week Ruckus was being questioned about a chore that wasn't done properly. He was supposed to have cleaned the bathroom, but when I looked in the toilet the water was still blue and there were poop streaks. Awesome. So, I told him to finish the job. He said he did and that someone must have gone poop after he had cleaned it. I asked him if someone has peed blue as well? With a smile on his face, he said, yes. You then looked at me and said, "It was me, Mama. I peed blue." And Ruckus victoriously replied, "See, I told you." So, I guess you can pee blue in the toilet even though you're not potty trained. I'm so proud to be the mother of one so talented! Haha!
We love your awesome, soft yet feisty, spirit! On your birthday Dad and I took you out for a special lunch. I can't remember where, but I do remember the lick you gave my face when we were supposed to be smiling for a picture! Stinker, girl! I love you so, so, so much! Thanks for completing our family!

Love, Mom



Moo is there, he's just hidden behind the table. 

Playing at McDonald's

Loving on your new baby.




Daddy and I took you out to lunch on your bday! You like to cuddle.


Extra Photos of our Girl!
Holding Little Grandpa's hand on the way to tour the Jordan River Temple. 




Cuddling with Buckabu and your second cousin Rowan.


Singing Yourself Happy Birthday!
Such Joy!

Monday, May 14, 2018

She's Growing Up!


Oh Girly,
What a quick whirlwind birthday party you had. We were still living in ID and Daddy was about to fly back to work in UT so we had a fast celebration at McDonald's. All you needed was that Happy Meal toy though and you were good to go. I think one of your love languages is gifts, just like Dad. All we have to do is give you a present and you are smiles for days.  Plus, your gratitude is extreme. Your birthday was no different. Buckabu and Papa gave you the Corduroy stuffed animal just like the one in the book, Grandma and Grandpa gave you My Little Ponies, and we gave you a doll... I think. I know for sure it was one you picked out at Costco, but I'm at a loss for which one. I was surprised you picked it out because you're not really a doll girl. You love to look at them and display them, but not play with them. You have a bunch of Disney Princess collectibles that you align nicely on your dresser for no one to touch. Sometimes you'll carry them around in your backpack, but that's about it. You are a fan of Monster High dolls though. I think that's because they can sit by you while you watch Monster High on Netflix. Plus, you're a little fascinated by the gruesome. Just a tiny bit. You love IZombie. I let you watch the first season with me (probably not the best parenting decision) and you were sad when we ditched the next seasons. (FYI - the first season was kind of fun, but the following seasons are just super crude. Lame.) I also made another good parenting choice by letting you watch Stranger Things with me. You super duper love it. I love my funny girl!
You talk about growing up to be a mom all of the time. You dream about the makeup you'll wear, the nurturing you'll do, the decisions you'll make, and the knowledge you'll have. You are going to be an incredible mother. You are a little lover. The flu hit our family pretty hard awhile ago and while I ran a quick errand one evening, Moo threw up. You grabbed him a bowl and then a tissue to wipe his nose. When I got home he told me that he was fine because you took care of him. A couple days later when you got the flu Moo didn't return the favor. I walked into my bedroom, saw you puking in a bowl, and then spotted Moo hiding behind my bed. He said he had wanted to help, but you were making horrible noises and horrible smells. So funny.
When we still lived with Buckabu and Papa you wanted to feed your brothers by cooking them some chicken nuggets in the microwave. I input the time for you, showed you where to press start and then said when the timer goes off just take them out. Well, I made the mistake of assuming you knew how to take them out,  and as I was busy doing things around the house, you kept adding extra minutes on when the timer went off instead. The chicken nuggets were black. You were devastated, and cried, "Now, I'll never be a mother! I can't even make chicken nuggets!" I assured you that you'd be fine. You still had a lot of time to learn how to cook, and that it was my fault. I then said, plus knowing how to make chicken nuggets isn't a qualifier for motherhood. You're going to be a wonderful mom one day.  - Truly! 
One of your favorite games to play with the baby is house. Sometimes you're the mom and she's the baby or visa versa. She really likes being your mom. She has a pretty strong personality and you cater to her most of the time. She's a little unpredictable. Smiles one moment, then ninja kicks you the next, or maybe just ninja pinches if that's a thing. You're really good at not returning the favor. Thank you for that. You cry and get sad, give her a good scolding, but you almost never want to hurt her back. You're a pretty cool cat. You do like to cry though. Yes. You. Do.  This whole crying thing is a brand new world to me. Oh my. It kills me softly a bit. One day I laid down by you to encourage you to take a nap. I, of course, was the one who began to fall asleep. You stood up and told me you'd be right back. You wanted to assure me I'd be fine and said, "It's okay, Mom. Don't be sad. Don't cry like I do.... alllll theee timmmme." I was like Amen, sister. I took a picture of you crying one day so you could see what you looked like. I thought maybe you'd see how silly it was to turn those water works on so often, but it was almost like it validated your sensitive life. I then took a picture of Dad mimicking your crying face so maybe you'd think he looked ridiculous crying all the time, but you felt just as sorry for him as you did for yourself. So, I give up. I don't get it. I'm not a crier. (P.S. don't get me wrong, I think it's definitely okay for people to cry once in awhile. But you have a gift of shutting it on and then shutting it back off like nobody's business. Pure talent, my girl.) 
What you are amazing at is being accountable and then apologizing. This is outstanding for any human being, but especially phenomenal for a four year old. After many a crying episode, or maybe a temper tantrum, you softly approach me and apologize. This is done without any encouragement from me. It's like amidst your emotions you know that you need to calm down, you don't have the mental capacity to reign it in, but you still have the introspection tools afterward to try and fix it. Impressive. A gift really.  
You love clothes, you love fashion, you love your cousin Ayla's hand-me-downs. You're all girl! And I adore you!! Like, really, you're one of my favorite pals.  Thanks for being my little buddy.

Love, Mom



Here are some pictures of your awesome life!



Little C playing Candy Land with you.


You went through a helmet, pretend glasses phase.


Putting chapstick on the baby



Crying face

Crying face








Comforting The Baby



Patton Family Pictures 2021

My soon to be daughter-in-law took our photos Fall of last year. Isn't she talented? We are looking forward to including her in our fami...